


Violent Beginnings and a Precarious End

by justsimplymeagain



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alexandria Safe-Zone, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Consequences, From his friends, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Lucille the bat, M/M, Negan is his own warning, On Hiatus, Slow Burn, Some comfort, The Sanctuary, Whump, beatings, poor rick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-11-13 14:50:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11187402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justsimplymeagain/pseuds/justsimplymeagain
Summary: Rick found himself alone and surrounded by Saviors. The realization of his situation becoming all too clear as he came face to face with the consequences of his and his group's actions.I'll add tags as they are needed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't mean to start a new story! But despite that fact, here it is and I hope you enjoy.

Rick Grimes; former deputy sheriff, former leader of the Atlanta group, former leader of the prison and current leader of a community known as Alexandria Safe Zone. Above all of that, Rick Grimes was a father to a son who was in desperate need of someone to show him the way at times and other times to be reminded that he wasn't the parent. The boy was older than his years. And Rick was a father to a beautiful little girl named Judith Grimes, although she wasn't related to him by blood she was his in every way that mattered. She was pure and good, and Rick would burn the world down to protect her and keep her pure and good for a minute longer.

Things in Alexandria have been tense, but things have been smoothed out, and Rick figures things were going well. People here were learning how to survive, and Rick has learned that the people here can survive. It was a relief to learn he was wrong considering his original less than flattering perception of the people cowering behind these walls.

They even formed a shaky connection with another community called the Hilltop. Learned of a group they were having problems with, a group that Rick's group was having problems with.

The Saviors.

So of course, as part of the foundation of creating something more with this community – Rick took his group and attacked an established base of the Savior's and killed everyone within those walls. Hoping to start or at the very least take care of part of the threat to that community and Rick's community.

Rick was so confident he has done right.

So confident that his way was the right way.

Confident that things will go well. And they started to; Maggie was pregnant. And that was a joyous event, and it was worth celebrating. That was until she got sick.

Then the panic set in.

They had to get her to a doctor and since Alexandria had no doctor anymore in part thanks to Rick and then thanks to the Saviors. They had to go to the Hilltop community.

Rick didn't want to bring everyone despite everyone wanting to go.

They were a family. Family sticks together, and usually, Rick would agree. But Carl's eye was still healing, and he needed people here to watch the community, and there was no one better than Rick's group to do that. People here still needed to be guided and taught how to survive. How to handle things.

Rick's decision to not bring everyone did nothing but anger some and frustrated others. Carl stormed off angrily, and Rick was left watching him as he goes. Rick did agree on letting Glenn and Daryl come. Glenn because he was Maggie's husband and Daryl because he could defend himself and Rick trusts him the most to have his back. They were brothers after all, not by blood but by an unflinching bond they earned along the way. Rick will never replace Merle, but he'll be what Daryl needed in a brother. And Daryl will never replace Shane, but with Daryl Rick knows he won't be betrayed or lose another brother.

So with everything set, Rick bid farewell to their friends and set the RV into drive. The beginning of the trip going smoothly and the sky was beautiful and clear.

If only Rick paid attention to the storm clouds forming in the distance or the voice in the back of his head that said something wasn't right.

What started out as what was supposed to be just a simple drive to the Hilltop Community. Turned to a game of cat and mouse between Rick and the Saviors. Roads were blocked, and they were forced to turn back more than once. It was stressful, and the sounds of Maggie in pain and the concern in both Glenn and Daryl's voice was nerve wrecking. Rick was nearly at wits ends on what to do and how to get Maggie to the Hilltop Communities doctor.

Another thought had him realizing that he might have bitten off more than what he could chew when he first heard about the Saviors and first attacked them. How many people did they have? How big was this community? Conflict may never have been a problem, but every time they faced something that threat always proved to be the same size as them and restricted to one community that matched their own. Woodbury was the only one that turned out to be harder than others; it took destroying their community to destroy that one which left Rick and his group nomadic until they reached Alexandria.

Rick put the RV in park. Rick was felt like they have been at this all day. And with the sun setting, it only proved him to be correct. In another hour it will be dark.

Daryl approached him.

“What're you thinking?” Daryl asked he knows Rick enough to have seen that Rick is contemplating something. And it was risky.

“You and Glenn take Maggie by foot to the Hilltop, don't walk in a straight line. Stay clear of clearings.” Rick stated as he got up facing Glenn and Maggie who was sitting up. It was clear it took a lot of energy to sit up, and she leaned on Glenn heavily for support. Glenn knows that this was the only way, but still spoke up on how reckless this was.

“You have a better idea?” Rick snapped before explaining that he'll take the RV to the next stop and if there is people there he'll charge the RV through. Draw their attention and hopefully pull them away from whatever plan they had. Enough that they focus on Rick and not Daryl, Glenn or Maggie. The Savior's didn't know how many people were in the RV because for all they knew everyone could have been in the back and Rick had ordered Daryl to stay back there with Glenn and Maggie. He knows that they saw that at one of the stops. So maybe, just maybe this can work. Rick can bluff well enough to draw them towards himself.

When no other idea was given, Rick bid them farewell and started driving again. Half of his attention was on his friends, worrying and hoping that they make it. While the rest of Rick paid attention to the road and avoided loose walkers when it was possible. He came up against a line of chained up walkers. The next stop there was people, Rick exited the RV and stared them down, making it look like he was giving an order to someone inside before focusing further on the group of Saviors in front of him. Exchanging a few words.

“You want to make today your last day on Earth?” Rick threatened as calmly as he could, keeping some attention on the inside of the RV while most of his attention was on the people in front of him. If he was lucky, he'd take a few of them down on his way through.

“No, but that is a good thing to bring up. Think about it. What if it's the last day on Earth for you? For someone you love? What if that's true? Maybe you should be extra nice to those people in that RV, 'cause you never know...” A snap of the finger before the Savior continued, “Just like that. Be kind to each other. Like you said... like it was your last day on Earth.” The Savior who spoke, the one with the mustache seemed confident enough, and Rick wondered just how confident he'd be when Rick gets this RV moving again.

“You do the same.” Rick replied with a smile.

Rick knew for sure now that they think that there was more than himself in the RV. Even heard a comment on everyone being too scared to come to the window. Rick hopes they truly believe this because if they don't then the others will be in danger. With a deep breath in to calm himself down. Rick sat in the driver seat and stared them down.

They expected him to go back, try another route.

He didn't. He put the gear into drive and pushed the RV as fast as it would go. There were shots taken at the RV and Rick had to nearly duck to make sure he wasn't hit as the Saviors had to scramble to get out of the way. The passenger side of the windshield was now shattered completely, but that hardly mattered at the moment as Rick pushed on. Hitting the vehicles nearly knocked Rick out of his seat, but he kept going. The back and sides of the RV was shot at, and his tires must have been hit because the control over the RV was incredibly more difficult especially at the speed he was going. He could hear vehicles starting and following.

He prayed his plan was working as he forced them to chase after him. But given the damage the RV took, he didn't know how much longer it can drive. The gas was almost empty, and a wheel was blown out. It was a miracle he was still able to drive and stay on the road. There were larger vehicles ahead, and he saw a man standing on the roof of a truck. Bat in hand yelling orders. Obviously what they had planned didn't work out. There was a clearing in the trees. Rick knows his RV broken as it won't be able to push through the roadblock the large trucks proved to be.

So he took that clearing and hoped that he bought enough time for his friends. And Rick wondered if he would ever see them again as his RV was shot at again, this time taking the other wheels in the back out. The drag of the RV and the damage done to it, Rick had no choice but to turn it off and wait for whatever was going to happen next. The sound of vehicles approached and Rick watched out of the windows and side mirrors as several vehicles following the large trucks circled the clearing before releasing nearly sixty or so people. Rick couldn't count them all.

But he knows he's in deep trouble.

More gun shots and the rest of the tires were blown out causing Rick to nearly lost his footing as he moved to the middle of the RV and away from the windows. A gun in hand and his hatchet at his side. The passenger's side of the windshield was the only way in and out that was unguarded and open. But there was little that Rick could do about that as he switched the safety off of his gun.

A stun grenade landed just past the driver and passenger seats. Before Rick could either duck for cover or move as far from it as he could, it went off. The effect was instant as loud ringing exploded in his ears and he found himself blinded. He didn't have the chance to notice or realize that the RV was breached until hands grabbed hold of him dragging him out of the RV and stripping him of his weapons.

Rick found himself forced face down on the ground.

His vision and hearing were still less than reliable. The disorientation he hoped would pass soon so he could focus on what was going on beyond trying to see straight and getting the ringing in his ears to stop. There was talking, but what was said was beyond him. No doubt it probably as a report of what they saw and what they didn't see in the RV. This became more likely when he felt a swift kick to his side, hard enough to put him on his back and finally Rick was able to focus. It was the same man who was yelling orders from the top of a large truck. He looked less than amused.

Rick looked around and much to his relief; he couldn't see his friends.

He hoped they made it. But giving none of this away Rick held himself still as he waited to see what was going to happen next.

“He's the leader.” The man with the mustache, who Rick swapped words with on the road was the first person he understood since landing in this situation. There was another comment if Rick heard correctly the seats of the RV was set on fire from the stun grenade. But he couldn't be sure without checking himself. Right now it was best to focus on what was in front of him, and that was the man in the leather jacket and sharp grin stretching his lips wide as he eyed Rick like he won something. And he probably has given their situation.

“Rick Grimes is his name.” The same man spoke, Rick wondered how did he know. Who told him? How did they find out and what else do they know about Rick and more than likely where he came from? Was it Paul, or the spineless leader of the Hilltop Community. Did that mean he possibly sent his friends into a trap!? Some of his concern must have shown on his face because the amusement on the man in leather's face seemed to grow.

“Get him up.” The man ordered and without hesitation, two men grabbed Rick's arms and hauled him to his feet, but neither of them let go. He was effectively restrained and given the number of people here if he fought he would quickly lose. He can't fight all of them and given the number and the weapons he won't be able to outrun them either.

“So, you're Rick.” It wasn't a question; it was barely an observation. More like a fact spoken out loud and nothing more. What was concerning was that this was said without a smile. A second later that smile was back and as sharp as ever as he said, “I'm Negan.”

_“Negan's the head of a group of people he calls the Saviors. As soon as the walls were built, the Saviors showed up. They met with Gregory on behalf of their boss. He made a lot of demands, even more threats. And he killed one of us - Rory. He was 16 years old. They beat him to death right in front of us. Said we needed to understand, right off the bat.”_

Rick's eyes fell to the bat resting on the man's shoulders. Paul obviously knew more about this guy than what he initially said. There had to be a lot of stuff left out. Rick cursed his situation, wishing a little too late that he had more details before he acted. The man- Negan must have seen where he was looking because the next thing he knew he was hit in the stomach with the handle of that same bat. Sagging in their grip Rick couldn't fall to his knees because of that same grip. It took a moment to right himself only to find the barbed end of that same bat far too close to his face for comfort.

“Like her? Her name's Lucille. And let me tell you this. She. Is. Awesome.” Negan said, and Rick could hear the genuine admiration in his voice, it was odd to hear someone care so much for a weapon. Rick chose not to say anything in regards to that, what could be said that won't be either dismissed or gain some of retaliation. No, it was best if Rick waited and found out what was going on or going to happen before anything was said or done.

* * *

 

Come say hi: [justsimplymeagain](http://justsimplymeagain.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

When Rick first started, when he had a rule about not killing the living he always was able to tell when someone was still human or giving up on their own humanity by the way they behaved and spoke. Whether they pissed in the toilet like a civilized man or on the wall in a bar that has long since been abandoned by owners and patrons besides the few that found their way in for a drink or due to grief. You could see it in people's faces, grim and mad at the same time. Rick saw it in the mirror at one point, before he found himself again and found some sort of civilization he can cling to in Alexandria.

Standing here in the cold night, still feeling the hit he received in his stomach from the handle of the bat named Lucille – Rick was having a hard time finding that humanity as he gazed into the face of the leader and caught glimpses of the people surrounding him. His mind likened them to animals, feral and savage. In need to put down, but Rick was in no way of doing something like that.

Here he felt like a gazelle trapped in a lions claws like in one of those documentaries Rick once watched when there was nothing left to do or left on the television that proved to be interesting. They played with the gazelle a bit before killing it and eating it.

Rick wondered if it would be the same here.

Would he be toyed with first? Or just killed off quickly? Rick hoped neither; he wanted to see his little girl grow up. He wanted to see Maggie and Glenn's baby born. After they had lost so much, they deserved this and Rick wants to live. Be with them, all of them. That realization nearly left him winded; something must have shown because that sharp cutting smile seemed to grow.

“Heh.”

Rick braced himself.

Nothing came.

So Rick waited, watched as Negan stepped back a few paces. Looked around and pointed to at least six people and motioned for the two who held Rick to let go. Rick was glad he could stand on steady legs now.

“See, I had a plan, and it was fucking merciful. See, you and your merry little gang of killers killed a whole lot of my men. And when I sent my men to kill yours, you killed more of my men. Not cool. Not fucking cool. Now, if there were more of you, the punishment would be evened out. Not just put on one man. Fair, you see?” Negan spoke loudly as six people walked up and circled them. Negan seemed to only grow in size as his confidence grew, his confidence and his anger.

“And yet, here you fucking are all the fuck alone. No one here with you. So now, how am I going to be fair? Dish out the fucking punishment when there's only one of you sorry piece of shits here.” Negan seemed to think on it for a bit and Rick hated on how everyone including himself seemed to just hang off of his words in order to know or figure out what was going to happen next. Rick knows it won't be good for him, but he hated the waiting. It was only making him anxious and unable to calm himself down enough to get a clear head.

He was being stripped of options here. Any time he felt limited in options or cornered he always lashes out and relies on violence to solve it.

Here, however, he won't be allowed to solve something with violence given the fact that it was violence which started this mess. Violence brought on by Rick. And violence won't help him tonight.

“Oh!” A snap of the fingers, like an idea, plucked from the night around them, “I got an idea!” Negan sounded pleased with himself and Rick braced himself. Nothing was said, the man apparently was enjoying having things dragged out. At least for a moment. Only a moment and Rick knows that eventually, he'll wish that minute would have been longer. Especially after Negan exited the circle.

“Boys, I want you to beat this fucker down. But not enough that he loses consciousness. This will be a long night!” Negan ordered, and Rick brought his fists up in preparation for a fight. One that came from behind to start with. Rick blocked some, but other hits connected and he was almost proud for how long he stayed on his feet. But unavoidably with so many people taking shots at him especially after a long day that drained him emotionally, it was far too easy in Rick's opinion.

It was near pointless to curl up; his back was kicked, sides punched, face kicked. Rick didn't know if there was any part of him that wasn't punched or kicked. All of it left him gasping for air and curling up to try to protect his stomach and head. His ears seemed to increase in ringing and from the glimpses he caught, there was now two Negan's instead of one.

With one whistle everything stopped, and Rick tried to catch his breath and spit out blood. His nose was bleeding as well.

“Wow! Will you look at that! He can still fucking move! Shit, you are one tough son of a bitch aren't you?” Negan's voice boomed above him, and Rick tried to pull away from it, especially as he heard steps coming closer to him. A firm grab to the back of his jacket hoisted him to his knees, and Rick's body screamed at how much it hurt. Rick wondered if something was broken.

The bat – Lucille, was held under his chin forcing him to look up at the man who forced him to his knees.

“You think that's all you're going to get tonight? Boy, are you in for a fucking surprise. Because you're not done, not by a fucking long shot.” Negan's voice held a promise to it, and Rick shuddered at the thought of what else they had planned for him. His mind automatically went to the worst case scenarios, of what could happen before he was killed. Violated, beaten, humiliated, and all before being put down like a dog.

As a former sheriff deputy and as someone who was always on the move with his group, he's seen and heard of the kind of stuff that normally happens to those who's lost their humanity and those who decided to take advantage of the loss of law and order. Negan must have seen something; the man burst out laughing as he let go of Rick's jacket and took a step away.

“Relax Rick! No one here's going to pop your cherry – are you an ass virgin Rick?” Negan's voice came out mocking, but there was a dangerous edge to it as well. All Rick could do was listen, however, as the man continued, “But seriously, that's against the rules unless you're on board and ready to ride 'em like a cowboy. Or a horse.” The last part seemed to get the man chuckling at his humorless jokes. Regardless, at least Rick had that if Negan spoke the truth.

Without any further words, the side of Rick's face was struck by the barbed end of Lucille. Hard enough that he collapsed to the ground and struggled to get his barrings. Holding the side of his head in an attempt to stop the throbbing. Rick heard an order being given. And before Rick knew it he was pulled from the ground only to be struck again, but this time in his lower back, his jacket must have been up slightly from when he was grabbed by the back because Rick could feel the sharp edges of each point on that bat. The pain echoed even after the bat was pulled away and Rick collapsed to the ground once more. Face first.

Another spoken order and Rick found himself put on his knees.

“I got an idea.” Negan hissed in his ear. Whatever the man's been doing it clearly wasn't enough to get rid of the obvious anger he was feeling. Most likely feels cheated out of giving what he might consider a fair punishment. Cheated at only having one person here. Anger towards Rick for what had happened. All of it coming out in four words.

Rick knew he wouldn't like the idea.

And it turned out he didn't. Negan had everyone line up, and Rick had to apologize to each and every one of them and each and every one of them could either punch, kick, spit and even piss on him. And Rick had no choice but to take it and ever time he crumbled he was harshly pulled to his knees by either his jacket or his hair. Rick didn't know how many people Rick had to apologize to, or how many angry stares he had to face down. But by the time the last person punched him, Rick could barely speak through the fact that the side of his face was swollen and one eye was nearly shut. His body felt battered and broken and the dampness in his shirt, jacket and pants left him feeling soiled and violated in another manner.

Rick felt humiliated. And body weary. How much more of this will he have to take?

“Now, Rick are you listening?” Negan's voice came through the fog of pain and everything else Rick had to deal with at the moment. Rick nodded, he was listening. Rick had no choice but to listen. And Rick knows he has no power here, and all he wanted to do was curl up and if listening to Negan got him that. Rick would listen all day if he had to.

“Good. It's morning, you have a fucking choice. Either I let everyone circle around and have another go at you -” Negan started to say, voice oddly calm and behaving like having his men beat and humiliate someone like this was a normal occurrence. The calmness of it seemed to set Rick's nerves on edge.

“No-” Rick didn't think he could take any more beatings. A laugh made Rick burn with embarrassment and resentment towards both Negan and himself. The laugh didn't stop Negan from slapping his face and reprimanding him for interrupting.

“Or, we go to Alexandria, and you can pick four people and line them up. I'll give you a gun, and you can shoot each one of them in the head. A nice quick clean death or -” Negan started, and it was clear by his smile he knows he has Rick where he wants him. Despite this, it didn't stop the flash of annoyance from being interrupted.

“No! No – please no.” Rick's family was there, some of his friends. The people of Alexandria didn't ask for this to be brought down on them, let whatever Negan had planned fall on Rick's shoulders and his alone. A firm grip on the back of his head forced Rick to look up into an angry expression with his good eye, and Rick was tempted to try to pull away. But he knows right now with his body, he wouldn't be able to, and it could very well make things worse.

“Fucking hell man! Do you not know simple fucking manners? You. Do. Not. Fucking. Interrupt. Me, when I'm speaking.” Negan snarled down at Rick. Rick nodded, promising wordlessly that he understands, that he knows not to interrupt while Negan was speaking and yet Rick knows that this would be difficult especially with the option of picking people he cared for or lived in his community to die.

“What was that?” Negan pushed, seemingly satisfied but willing to push it just a bit further.

“I – I understand. Don't interrupt you – you when you're speak- speaking.” Talking hurt more than he expected.

“That's what I fucking thought! Okay! Option number fucking two! You kneel like a good boy as my men circle around and take another shot. And Rick, you have to get back to your knees yourself. So what will it be?” Negan spoke, and Rick shuddered. This option was going to hurt, and Rick didn't know if his body would allow him to remain conscious for the whole thing. He didn't even know how many people there were. He lost count somewhere along the way.

“Tick-tock Rick, before I -” Negan started as Rick frantically tried to prepare himself mentally.

“Two... Option two.” Rick interrupted, and despite it being an interruption, Rick could tell that Negan seemed to be impressed. A confirmation and Rick watched as everyone seemed to line up again. And it started all over again.

He was punched. He was kicked. He was spat at. He was pissed on.

By the time it was finished, and everyone was standing a fair distance away, Rick was crumbled on the ground in a fetus position. Negan for whatever reason didn't force him to move and waited until Rick focused on him.

“Can you hear me?” Negan asked, the voice patient and seemingly without the cruel edge of before. Rick was near blindsided and left unsure on how to react to that. It was as though there was a completely different person crouched near him.

“Y-yes.” Rick forced out, trying to focus on the man.

“Good. Here's what's going to happen. In a week's time, I'm going to be coming to Alexandria with a few rather large loading trucks, and we're going to take fifty percent of what you and your community own. Every fucking week after that, we come and collect half of what you find on scavenging runs. We own you and your community now, do you understand?” Negan at this point was coming off as someone incredibly patient, and Rick found he wanted to lash out because of it.

Rick wanted to scream and rage, tell the man what he could do with his plans. And yet, he felt incredibly drained, and all he could think of was the first option. What if Negan found Carl? Or Judith. Or the rest of his family, what if he kills innocent bystanders in Alexandria all because Rick said no. With more bitterness than he ever felt before. Rick answered yes. He understood.

“Good. And Rick, I want you there to greet me personally. Even if you're in a fucking wheelchair.” With that, Negan made a gesture, and everyone started to leave leaving Rick curled up on the ground. There was a comment that he'd better get up and moving if he wanted to make it back to Alexandria in time or avoid being eaten.

* * *

 

Come say hi: [justsimplymeagain](http://justsimplymeagain.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

As Rick laid crumbled on the ground and behind him, the RV was fully engulfed in flame. The sun was now high in the sky, and none of it mattered. Rick was in far too much pain to focus on anything but trying to breath steady enough, not an easy task when your ribs felt like they were going to crack at the slightest shift. Seeing out of one eye was next to hopeless, and the other was blurry at best.

There was the sound of footsteps; Rick wanted to cover his ears and pull away from it at the same time. His mind thought of the image of a walker, flesh rotting and torn and a mouth gaping wide with hunger as its hands desperately reached out for the closest source of food. For Rick. With a bitter huff that made his ribs scream in agony, Rick couldn't help but think that this was it. This was how he would go, too weak to defend himself and able to do nothing but lay there as a corpse eats him. He won't be able to see his friends again. His son. His daughter.

It wasn't fair! It wasn't! But that was how the world was.

His weapons were gone anyway, so it wasn't like he had anything to defend himself with even if he had the energy to do so. He wanted to apologize to Carl, for not returning home to him and to plead with him to make sure Judith doesn't forget that he existed. With a hitch in his breath, he held it, refusing to scream or cry out as the walker reached him. It's grip harsh as it latched onto Rick's side, digging its bony fingers into his flesh. It's weight pressing down on him more as it moved to lower its mouth to feed. Like an animal, something less than an animal.

And at that moment. Nothing. Rick felt nothing; no sorrow, no anger, no pain. Just a welcoming blanket of numbness that raced through his body.

Rick closed his eye and waited for the bite. The bite that never came as the sound of a crossbow could be heard, and a heavyweight bared down on him, something collapsing on top of him. It hurt, having that weight cover him and leaving him feeling all of it. An angry hurt sound came out of him then as forced his eye open to see the dry husk of what was once a person laying over him, different than what he imagined it would have looked like. It's mouth still open wide and eyes barely there as they were sunken in enough to look like nothing but blackness and unseeing eyes. It was disturbing, and all Rick could do was stare.

He never stared in walker's eyes before. Never had a reason to.

There was rushed steps coming up to where they were and the arrow he finally took note of going through the walker's head and out of his forehead stood out.

Daryl.

He was right of course as he saw the blurry shape of the man become clearer as he pulled the walker off of Rick and let it crumble down close by. Arrow still in its head. Rick tried to move, to look at Daryl closely. But a hushed voice told him not to move while Daryl hesitated in touching him. Probably not sure where it would be safe to touch him without causing any pain.

Rick tried to ask him how Maggie and Glenn were if they were okay. If the Saviors caught had up to them. If they were trapped at the Hilltop Community, captured and waiting for the Saviors to pick them up. Hurt them.

“Rick! Rick. This is gonna hurt, but you can't stay here.” Daryl said Rick knows this. But that didn't stop the dread coursing through him, hasn't he felt enough pain for today? The promise and the delivery of that pain as he was moved to a sitting position made him want to cry out in agony, and with the flinch Rick felt, he didn't know if it was a want or if it happened. Not that it mattered as he felt the world shift and jerk forward as the ground grew further away. His body upright but supported by Daryl. At this point, it looked like Daryl was probably taking all of the weight. Rick felt boneless and weak.

“Come on...” Daryl's voice sounded impatient at this point, anxious and scared. Rick didn't know what to do with that as they stood there.

“Dar-” Rick tried, his face hurt and moving his jaw too much was out of the question. He was reassured in a hushed voice before Rick lurched forward and his stomach clenched hard. Whatever he managed to eat yesterday that wasn't digested was soon on the ground in front of them, and the taste of vomit in his mouth joined the taste of blood. It was enough to make him gag. But with the angry clench in his stomach and the dry heave, there was nothing left to come up.

“Hurts...” Rick managed, and that was all he could manage as the world spun and his body became nothing more than dead weight as everything went dark.

And then blissful darkness and silence.

And Rick was floating.

It was peaceful.

Welcoming.  
  
Quiet.

Then it wasn't.

Rick was no longer floating.

He was falling! Wind rushed passed his ears.

There was the sound of screams and gunshots.

The taste of blood in his mouth. The feeling of blood on his hands.

There was the smell of fire and smoke in his nose. There was Carl screaming and Judith crying.

It was apparent that the sound he was hearing, the smells he smelled all came from a dying community. Murdered because Rick couldn't protect it. There was the sound of something being swung and noise of something being crushed. Laughter and words he couldn't make out. Rick tried to reach out, save what he could. Pull what he can to him, and when he managed to get a hold of something, his mind thought up of the image of his son mutilated and cold to the touch. Rick opened his mouth to scream, cry and rage. But nothing but silence came out.

The sound of talking grew louder, and Rick wanted to yell at those voices, tell them not just to talk but do something. The sense of helplessness was enough to crush him as the voices did nothing and his son laid dead in his arms, and the darkness started to lighten up slowly. Something he didn't want to happen if there was light than Rick would be able to see just what type of destruction he brought down onto his home. What wrath his family and friends were forced to face without him there to protect them.

The body of his son moved in his arms, and for the first time since this nightmarish reality surrounded him, he made out what was being said.

“Rick?”

Rick reached for that voice, treated it as a lifeline it could very well be intended to be. With everything getting lighter at a faster rate, Rick latched onto that voice that spoke his name until Rick opened his one good eye and closed it immediately when the light became too much. Someone told someone else to close the blinds. With things getting darker, Rick knew that someone complied.

“Can you hear me?” Abraham! That voice belonged to Abraham and opening his eye again he could make out the shape of the man, and as his vision cleared up some, it only confirmed it. It was hard looking at the concern in his face and Sasha's face as she stood next to him. Rick nodded his answer to Abraham and waited patiently for someone to start talking. Explain to him what happened. Where he was and how did he get here.

“Daryl carried you as far as he could, it was by luck that he crossed paths with Aaron who was out on a scavenging run. They got you back to Alexandria as quick as they could.” This time it was Rosita who spoke, and it dawned on him, he was surrounded by his friends. The only two who were missing was Carl and Judith. They must know how to read Rick by now because it was Eugene who explained that Carl left to get Judith something to eat. Get her changed and bathed. It was Tara who told Rick that Carl refused to move from Rick's side until ten minutes ago.

Eventually, he figured out that Daryl was in a corner on a chair passed out with his crossbow on his lap. Sasha told him that he was practically standing guard, refusing to let anyone enter the room unless he knew them and even then a sharp eye kept watch of them. It warmed Rick considerably that they were concerned and that Daryl felt the need to protect him. It was a nice feeling, to say the least.

“Daryl told us what happened, Rick. What you had to face alone.” Michonne said her calm strength as a balm on his frayed nerves. Especially when he could see the sympathy that was in everyone's eyes. Rick couldn't figure out if that were worse than pity or if he wanted it at all. This was his choice, and this was his part of the payment. Wait until they find out what happens next. Within a week. How will they react when they find out that the Saviors were going to come, that they were going to take everything they believed themselves entitled to. What will happen if they resist?

Could his nightmare become a reality? Was that a vision of what would happen if they fought. If they resisted! Could Rick live with that, would he live with it? Should he lie down with his belly up and let the Saviors take what they wanted? Would the price of letting them take food and supplies away from his people be better than the cost of resistance?

It was stressful, and Rick didn't know what to do with that. It must have been clear he was in distress and wanted to speak. Because a soft yet firm touch to his shoulder drew his attention to Michonne.

“Rest Rick, whatever you need to say can wait until later.” Michonne's voice held a firm command, and Rick felt the weight of his exhaustion catching back up. It was enough to make fighting against her to be next to pointless. Rick's last thought went out to Maggie and Glenn, Carol and Morgan and the hope that wherever they are they're safer there and that they would stay there because Rick created a situation that none of them were prepared to handle.

The last thing he heard was a door opening and Carl's voice. The lower murmuring must have been Judith. She's been trying to talk more and more these days. The last thing he saw was the concern and scared expression on Carl's face, and for a moment, he was just a little boy again wearing a hat too big for him. With that, he closed his eye and fell into a near peaceful sleep despite the pain his body was in and the stress on his mind.

By the next morning, staying awake was far easier than it was yesterday. Moving, however, was a different question. Just shifting an inch leaves his body screaming in agony. His bruises have bruises, and he wouldn't be surprised if he had some fractures. But that didn't matter as the need to go to the bathroom became too much and Rick forced himself to the edge of his bed with a pain-filled groan. He must have been loud enough to draw attention, Daryl was at his side instantly. Crossbow slung over his shoulder still, and Rick had to give a near breathless sound of amusement.

He lets Daryl help him up and get him to the bathroom. From there Rick insisted that he could take it from there. Using the counter and wall to stabilize himself enough to reach his destination. He didn't look at himself in the mirror yet, but he knows he needs a shower. From what happened, he felt disgusting. Looking into the shower, he figures it would be out of the question until he could stand without using a wall as support. Or perhaps he could have a hot bath? Would that be okay? Rick made sure to ask someone later. Or get Michonne to help him get one set up anyway.

Washing his hair might be the most difficult part. But again, Michonne could be up to the task of helping him there. Considering what they were already, it wasn't like he had anything she hasn't seen already. But the bruises that covered his body might cause her some distress, and the thought of her in any form of distress made him shut the idea down before it could gain traction.

The rest of the day was spent with Rick in bed, trying to eat something only to find out that the best thing for him to eat was soft foods and nothing too hot. It angered Rick at how badly he was beaten down, but what could he do about it when the other option was so much worse. By the afternoon he worked up the nerve, and his voice was steady enough despite his pain to let everyone know what happened and what was going to happen. Rick couldn't make it far from his house at the moment, but he entrusted Father Gabriel with the task of telling everyone in his place. The man seemed shocked that something like that was entrusted to him.

But Rick smiled as best that he could do and assured him that he had no doubt that he asked the right person.

The anger that came from the entire community the next day was expected. It must have been concerning enough that Rick found Abraham and Sasha camped out on his porch for the next three days. Rosita was the one who walked stiffly to Rick's house to announce that they had company and that they wanted Rick at the gate before someone dies.

Rick checked the calendar.

It's only been four days!

* * *

 

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	4. Chapter 4

It took more energy than he would have liked to get up off the couch, get changed and make his way to the gate at a slow pace. Everything hurt from breathing to moving an inch. Regardless, Rick had no choice but to make it to the gate. He couldn't have anyone dying on account of him not being there despite how unreasonable it was. After the beat down he received, how could anyone expect him to be able to move within a week let alone four days.

Behind him, Abraham and Sasha moved, kept close enough in case he needed them. Rick didn't know what he would do without his group. What he would have done if any of them had gotten killed because of his decision to act before they had all the details and information. When he spoke to Daryl about this, the man cursed, and Rick trusted him to get to the bottom of it. Which was the main reason he was no longer in Alexandria.

One of the gates was open leaving the barred gate closed and the Saviors in full view beyond them. There was a lot, and they were all armed. The trucks were large loading trucks, and Rick wondered just how much did they plan to take. What qualified as fifty percent? They had things set aside, much to the anger of the community. But instinct told Rick that this wasn't about that so much as it was about power.

“It's only been four days. You're early.” Rick stated as a greeting as he winced in pain as he forced the gate open giving access to his community to the Saviors.

“I missed ya.” Negan's replied, his tone cheerful as he took the first few steps beyond the gate. There was a smile on his face, wide and victorious. Rick hated it already. Rick didn't know how this worked, what he was supposed to do or say or what Negan thought should happen. Rick did know what he wanted, and that was for Negan and his group to just leave. To Rick, it wasn't a hard thing for them to do.

There was the sound of a walker approaching and Rick for an insane moment hoped it would catch Negan off guard and bite him. Do something, and the second he made eye contact with Negan it was evident the man knew the walker was there and more than likely knew what Rick wanted to happen. Instead, the opposite happened, the walker was put down, and the bat was handed to Rick.

“Not the kind of skull bashing she wanted, but given Lucille's appetite, it would have to do.” Negan said as he leaned in close before adding, “For now.” The implication was there, what could still happen heavy in the air. Rick knows he's powerless at the moment, feels it with every bruise and pain he felt in his body. Abraham seethed, fists tight at his side and Sasha doing what she could to calm him down.

“Hot diggity dog!”

Rick closed his eyes for a moment before moving to follow the boisterous leader of the Saviors. Abraham at his side with Sasha at his back. By the time they get to the first house, Rick noticed that every Savior was now in the town and waiting on Negan. So Rick did inform him that they had stuff put aside, only for a deadly look to appear in Negan's eyes as the man invaded his personal space, a sharp look towards Abraham to warn him off when he stiffened up and looked like he was ready for a fight.

“You don't seem to understand the fucking situation here Rick. So let me spell it out as plain as day. You listening?” Negan's said, and it was clear that the question at the end was only rhetorical as the man continued, “If the beating you got didn't bring you up to speed, I own you now. You're property, your community is my property and if you want what happened between us to remain a simple as fuck beating. Might want to get with the program.” Rick felt himself move back slightly as Negan pushed forward an inch.

“Which is?” Rick seethed.

“Fifty percent is what I fucking say it is. Could be shit all or we clean this fucking place out. Everything you find, I own. So for every fucking thing I decide not to take, I better get a grateful thank you Negan out of you. Am I clear as fucking day?” Negan's voice was both quiet, and it carried. It made it seem like all eyes were on Rick and everyone was in on what Negan just said. It is enough for Rick's skin to crawl. A hard bump on his stomach came when Rick didn't utter a word. It nearly winded him.

“Clear.” Rick confirmed. With that, a wide grin was given and an arm firmly wrapped around his shoulders pulling him along. Saviors cut Abraham and Sasha off, and they were forced to stay behind. Only when he heard the first punch being thrown did he try to pull away and go back. Negan didn't allow him, and instead, they found themselves back on Rick's porch. It was only now did Negan let go of him.

“Well don't wait on me, you look as though you need to sit the fuck down.” Negan ordered, pointing with his gloved hand to an empty seat on the porch.

“No, no I have to go check on Abraham.” Rick insisted, upset at the idea that one of his friends just got beaten because they were only looking out for Rick. Because of Rick.

“Sit the fuck down. The redhead will be fine, just has to learn not to overstep his boundaries while I'm here. Ready to protect his boss, that's commendable, loyalty like that is hard to fucking find. But he's gotta learn; you're not the boss while I'm here.” Negan said as he sat down and pointed at the other seat. Carl lingered at the doorway, glaring at Negan who pointedly ignored him. The glare turned to concern when he looked towards Rick.

“Gotta talk to my son.” Rick stated as he moved to do just that, he was surprised when Negan let him. When they were just inside the door, Rick talked Carl into just going upstairs and keeping an eye on his sister. Carl put up a fuss, of course, wanting to stick with Rick but in the end, he did what he was told. The moment Rick sat down and wincing slightly until he got to a position that was almost doable.

“How old is your daughter?” Negan asked, voice slightly odd despite the firmness before. Rick debated on telling him, if it would be a good idea or if it would put Judith in the line of fire, and he couldn't do that to her. She was innocent, and it was bad enough that Carl is old enough to understand exactly what's going on at the moment as men with guns went into each house and took hold of whatever it was they were told beforehand to gather. Either that or they were well trained or too fearful to overstep boundaries set by Negan.

“Young, too young to understand what's going on.” Rick answered it was the best he wanted to give. Negan gave him a look, one that told him that he'd let this one slide and Rick wanted to lash out again.

Rick seethed as he watched as mattresses were carried out of most of the houses, as people were harassed until they moved and all the while Rick had to sit there with Negan and watch as it all happened. Rick didn't realize he was gripping the armrest of his seat until a woman approached Negan with a camcorder, one that Rick recognized as the one he had to sit in front of when he first got here.

Negan took it from her with a wide grin and his fingers crossed.

“I'm hoping for a little freaky-deaky.” Negan came across as positively cheerful as he took note of her suggestion to take a look at the armory and the inventory. Or perhaps reminding him, she earned a smile and a dismissal. No doubt planning on doing just that, it told Rick enough that she was one of his top guys because she just approached and gave a suggestion off in a manner that Rick figured most would get beaten for.

Rick sat there listening to his voice being played back as Negan watched the video. A whistle could be heard at the end of it, and Rick braced himself.

“Jee-hee-sus! Is that you, Rick, underneath all that man-bush?” Negan asked, showing Rick a paused image of a man Rick didn't recognize anymore because he didn't want to recognize that man, who he used to be and was on the verge of becoming. Because as Glenn said, they were almost out there too long.

“Shee-ot! I would not have messed with that guy. But that's not you anymore... is it? Nope!” Rick had to wince inwardly as Negan said this. Of course, that wasn't him, the guy in that recording would have reacted now despite injuries. Wouldn't have hesitated to use whatever was on hand from weapon to his teeth to get the job done. But here Rick sat, knowing that one wrong move could get someone he cared for killed and forcing himself just to let whatever Negan wanted to happen. Happen. Let him take whatever he wants and pray it was only things they decided to take. 

Negan stood there chuckling for a moment before setting the camcorder down and indicating that Rick was to follow him. And follow him he did. Right to the armory where Negan found the guns that Rick and his group took off of dead Saviors. The look he gave Rick was a clear resentful one, he didn't approve of Rick being in possession of anything that originally belonged to them, and Rick now understands why there was a bat with barbed wire carved into the handles.

Rick ended up helping a few of Negan's men load the weapons into one of the trucks, and by the last load, he was forced to lean on the truck for support. It took everything in him to do that. Negan bumped him hard enough to move him forward a few steps and standing without the support of anything. Rick counted to three. Reassuring himself that it should almost be done and then Rick could rest. Only when the gate closes, and the last Savior is gone. But only then. So he forced himself to stand up straighter. Turned to Negan and waited.

“Let's go check out your food inventory now that this is all taken care of. Fixed a wrong and all that shit.” Negan declared, and Rick hissed under his breath, anger barely held back with the knowledge of what could happen especially now that they didn't have very many weapons to defend themselves. Negan took most of it and took most of the bullets.

In the food storage, Negan touched nearly everything. Rick's temper must have been showing at this point because Rick found his space invaded once again by Negan.

“So, it's like I've been saying, I'm a very reasonable man as long as you cooperate.” Negan started, and Rick had to think of when the man said this, perhaps he thought he did. Not that it mattered, the implications were enough to fill him in on the rest since he continued, “So let me ask you a question, Rick. Are you cooperating?” Negan was nipping whatever anger he caught sight of in Rick.

Not that Rick was in a mood to care as he forced out as calmly as he could, “What's it look like?”

There was a sound of a commotion outside that drew Negan's attention, and Rick took a few seconds to collect himself. Would have taken longer if it wasn't for the sound of a gunshot. Rick moved as quick as he could to find Spencer cowering against a wall and a bullet hole near his body. The woman from earlier standing a few feet with him holding a gun that was fired.

Negan was the first to speak out, demanding answers for what just happened. As it turned out, Spencer hid a couple of weapons on his bookshelf, tried to move them when the woman – Arat he learned spotted them. It caused a situation. It was Rick who got a hard look from Negan, a clear message of him not having control over his people. Rick glared at Spencer for a moment before moving out of Negan's way as he pushed past him.

“See Rick; this is what I was hoping to fucking well avoid. Your people not having their shit together, and you clearly not having a fucking handle on them.” Negan snarled, making a show of his disappointment as Rick followed. Lucille still held in his hand. Rick spotted Abraham walking with the support of Sasha. The moment Abraham's knees hit the ground Negan approached Rick.

“Give her to me.” Negan ordered, and Rick panicked. He knew he wasn't going to like what was going to happen next if his guess was correct. Rick hesitated, long enough for Arat to take the bat forcibly and hand it to Negan who thanked her and glared at Rick for not obeying.

“Here I am, trying to be as accommodating as I fucking can be. Going out of my way to not kill anyone of your fucking people despite you gunning down a fair share of mine! Going so far as to not let my fucking men do worse to your fucking redhead here. And this is how you repay me? Maybe I've been too soft on you Rick, maybe you been talking to people who said false shit about me? Which is it? Clearly, my first impression didn't do jack shit for ya.” Negan sounded angry, his movements mirrored it, and Rick watched as Sasha was pushed away by Abraham who no doubt read the situation and came to the same conclusion as Rick.

“I'm sorry...” Rick wanted to tell him. But nothing came out as the man sent a peace sign to Sasha and made eye contact with Negan.

“Maybe second impressions are the trick, cause I need you to know me.” Negan said, voice once more happy as the man practically radiated a savage sort of joy, and Rick found himself being pushed to his knees, a few steps closer. He moved without thinking, trying to get to one of his friends before Negan could act. Arat stood with her hand at the back of Rick's neck holding him there.

“No. No ple-” Rick tried. Only it was too late as he watched as Lucille was brought down on Abraham's head. Everyone recoiled, and some shouted in shock and fear. Sasha's body was vibrating with her rage and pain as she watched as Abraham spat out his last words before Negan continued.

And for the next five minutes, they all watched as Negan brought down his bat over and over and over again. Rick didn't even pay any mind to the blood that was splattered his way.

* * *

 

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	5. Chapter 5

Rick felt paralyzed as he stared at what used to be Abraham's head. Rick felt like the sound of that bat hitting Abraham's head kept ringing in his ears. He didn't know if anyone was talking, he didn't hear anything but that. Even when it was over. Even the pain that radiated throughout his body was a distant sensation. This was what he was trying to avoid. This right here. Someone he cared about being killed. It was bad enough that Abraham was beaten simply for trying to be there for Rick, but this, this was far worse.

My fault?

Rick wouldn't be surprised if he had kept control over everything and things kept calm until they were gone. They would have been alive, all of them. A dark whisper in his mind placed the blame on Spencer. But mostly it was Rick was blaming himself. He brought this down on everyone. Because of him, Sasha lost someone she loved. Another person she cared about. And Rick has lost a friend.

The sound of finger snapping pulled his attention away from the cooling body of his friend, only bringing his attention to the source was harder than he thought. He fought to be able to just focus on the gloved hand that was far too close to Rick's ear for his liking.

“Hoo-boy does it look like that hit you harder than I thought it would.” There was a jovial tone to Negan's voice as he crouched off to the side of Rick. No doubt there so Rick can see what just happened to Abraham. He could see Sasha who went silent as she huddled on the ground. Rosita was a bit of a distance away, and her face was wet with tears. The rage hasn't hit yet, but Rick knows her enough to know that it will. Rick hopes she lashes out at Rick instead of doing something stupid. Losing one person, one friend was bad enough.

“You in there?” Negan's voice again and Rick forced himself to look at the far too amused man. The amusement sparked something in Rick. Rage. But he was physically unable to do anything but kneel there. Weak and on display for everyone to see. He had one desire. Only one at this moment and to Rick, it would be perfectly fair. Rick wanted to say it, but he knows that right now it wouldn't be the smartest thing to do.

His expression no doubt said the words he wanted to say.

Only, Rick didn't know that it wasn't only his expression that did the talking.

There was laughter. Rick didn't know who was laughing, not that it would have made much of a difference as he found himself on his back and Negan's foot on his throat. The man somehow looked both amused and enraged at the same time. Rick grasped at the man's foot and ankles to try to get him to move. To let Rick have air. But it was like moving a mountain at the moment, and all Rick could do was struggle pointlessly against it. There was the sound of a struggle, and in the corner of his eye, he saw Carl being forced to the ground and restrained. There was a thunderous expression of rage in his eye.

“Here I am, being as friendly as fuck! Trying to be as fucking lenient as I can, given the damn circumstances. Cause we both know I could have killed more people Rick! Yet, I only took one of your men out. Only one fucking redhead. Yet that's all it took for you to try to have a pair on ya and back talk me? Threaten me! Your boy trying to attack me!” Negan's voice was loud, and Rick swore it echoed in his head. Rick didn't know if that or the oxygen that he was running out of was worse. Either way, there was no escape as Negan shrunk Rick's world down to just them and how powerless Rick was.

He could keep giving attitude, try to fight. But to what point? Rick had to find a way to live. To remain living and to try to keep as many people alive as he could. So to do that, there was only one thing he could do, and it has to be done despite the backlash he could be forced to deal with.

“S-So-r-y” He's so sorry Abraham! Rick wished he could take it all back, put Abraham back together and let him live, but he couldn't.

“What was that? I can't hear you. Say it a bit louder.” Negan said, taking some of the pressure off of Rick's throat. Not enough to let him have enough oxygen but there was enough that he wasn't being threatened with passing out from the lack of it. There was a bitter taste in the back of his throat. This is what defeat must taste like. And Rick felt defeated. Even worse now than after he received his beating from Negan's men.

“S-So-Sorry.” Rick knew that his people were watching, that the people of Alexandria were watching. So despite apologizing to Negan, he meant those words for them. It made it easier for him to say without wanting to vomit. Carl looked even angrier. Rick didn't know if that anger was for Negan or Rick now. Either way, there was a smug look on Negan's face. Getting what he wanted.

“For?” Pushing for more, Rick felt like Negan was now dragging him through the mess of his defeat. Putting it on display even further. The shame of being brought down before everyone like this made Rick growl in anger and choke back a sob of frustration. It was a distorted sound, made even more with the foot on his throat that both kept him powerless and provided an anchor to ground him in the here and now.

When Rick didn't say anything right away the pressure increased and he scrambled for air or any means to take the pressure off. He tried to speak, but nothing came out, and for the next few minutes it went like that. Until Negan released the pressure once more. Coughing Rick fought the temptation to glare at Negan.

“For?” Negan repeated. And Rick hated him.

“F-for threatening to k-kill you.” Rick said, voice still rough from the pain that flared in his throat from the foot that was now affecting his ability to talk even more than before. How much longer does he have to bare? There were some sounds of amusement mixed in with the shocked and horrified silence. Rick watched as Negan grew even smugger and now amused at the whole situation.

The foot was removed from his throat, and Rick took a large gulp of air despite the pain that caused. He would have rolled over and away from Negan if it weren't for the fact that the man was now crouched down at his side and a firm grip on his shoulder kept him in place. For a good minute or so, all Negan did was stare Rick down. It didn't even seem like it was forcing Rick into submission or daring him to do anything. Rick slowly moved his hand to his throat, holding it and hoping that could ease some of the pain. Making sure his movements were slow as to not cause another negative reaction from the volatile man above him.

Negan allowed it, watched Rick do it and showed nothing but a calculating look that told Rick nothing on what was going on in his mind or what Negan's going to do next. There was the sound of struggling off to his side; Carl was trying to get free again. A look from Negan, a warning was all it took for Rick's son to hold still but wasn't enough to stop the sound of anger coming from him.

“Well, thank you for your kind and thoughtful apology, Rick. Now was that so hard?” Negan said and all Rick wanted to say was 'fuck you' but he couldn't, it wouldn't be wise, so he remained silent and let the man talk or do what he wants for the moment. It would be easier that way; it might even keep any more people from dying today. Abraham couldn't be brought back, but Rick could do this at the very least.

Negan seemed satisfied when Rick didn't say anything. Probably knew what he wanted to say though, but gave no reaction to it. Something Rick was glad for.

“I can be a reasonable man, as I told you. Shit like today, that better not fucking happen again, or it might be more than a redhead next time. Think on that, think about what could happen. What has happened up today. Because I can promise you, I can and I will fucking do it. You see, Lucille is thirsty. Can't seem to get enough and more often than not I am more than happy to give her what she wants. So think on that Rick. Engrave it into your fucking memory.” Negan said and as if to prove a point with his bat, had it hovered right over Rick's face, so he had no choice but to see the blood covered end. If Rick looked close enough, he could see hair and bits of flesh. Rick had to choke back a sob because he could picture it, seeing it happen and seeing how it looks on the bat doesn't leave much to imagine. It was as plain as day.

He had to keep them alive, his family. His friends. That's all he wanted.

“Co-operation. That's all I fucking ask for. Every week, we come, and we take half your shit. Every week you give us half your shit without a word of complaint. We leave, and nobody dies. Sound fair?” Negan said, and seemed to be waiting for something as his bat was taken out of Rick's face and tucked off to the side but always at Negan's side. Rick didn't know if that was a rhetorical question or if he wanted an actual answer.

“Kind of rude to not answer Rick.” Negan pushed, not sounding amused and looking like he was growing impatient.

“F-Fair. It sounds fair.” Rick forced out and grimaced because it was far from fair, this community was liable to collapse because of Negan, and it was Rick's fault. He brought this on them. On everyone. Rick pushed that thought away and focused on Negan who seemed satisfied with the answer. Patting Rick on his chest before standing up. He offered Rick a hand and Rick knew that it would be best to take that hand even though moving was going to hurt. And it did as Negan helped him back to his feet and patted the dirt off of his back.

Rick didn't even realize that the other man was regarding him very even closer now.

“The shit you're willing to put yourself through for these fuckers, un-fucking-believable. Too bad you staggered to this flimsy place, cause you're wasted potential here.” Negan seemed both impressed and disappointed, and all Rick could do was stare at him. Was he for real? Where else would he have gone, where was there but here to go when he and his group were searching for a place and had one offered? Nowhere was closer than Alexandria as far as Rick was aware. Every community he found out about since coming here, and the outpost that was attacked were farther away. So reaching them would have been out of the question.

Someone approached, and Negan met them half way. They were speaking quietly, and all Rick could do was stand there, trying to regroup his thoughts and find the strength to stay upright. His body felt like it wanted to give out. It was something that was more tempting with the fact that he swore he got new bruises on his already existing injuries. In fact, passing out sounded tempting and it took more than what he would have liked to remain standing.

“You don't look good Rick; maybe you should go lay down? We're done here anyway so no need to play host anymore.” Negan said Rick wondered if he was always that loud or if he had gotten louder. Rick just nodded, he didn't trust himself to talk anymore, and his throat was sore anyway. There was something else said, something that said he didn't even have to walk him back to the gate. Rick couldn't be certain as his attention fell onto the body of Abraham with Sasha by his side and clearly in shock. Rosita made her way to the other side of Abraham's body now.

“I'm sorry...” Rick whispered, he didn't know if they heard him or if it was solely meant for Abraham. Or both. Either way, those two words slipped out. He was startled at the firm grip on his left wrist pulling his arm up and over someone's shoulder. Looking to his side, he noticed that it was Father Gabriel who was addressing someone else, Aaron and Eric who immediately went into action to help Rosita and Sasha pick Abraham up and move him to where the grave site and church was. On Rick's other side he felt a desperate grip and noticed that it was Carl who was angry and worried and frightened.

“Dad?”

That was the last thing he had heard before everything went dark.

* * *

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, any idea's of what you're hoping to see in this story? We're nowhere close to having Negan and Rick paired and whatnot.


	6. Chapter 6

Consciousness came to Rick both slowly and faster than he would have preferred, adjusting to the light and sounds was stressful, and it took everything and then some to not react harshly. Everything looked too bright and blurry, and movements were nothing, but shadowy forms with what could have been the outline of clothing and movements looked exaggerated and stretched. His heart beat frantically in his chest if you can't spot what's in the room with you the chances of becoming a victim of a walker or another person who wants what you have increased. So without giving himself away, in fear that it could be one of those two, Rick focused on clearing his vision up and listening. To see if it was the dead or the living that was in the room with him.

Nothing was coming his way, so that helped him relax slightly.

Eventually, he figured out that it was the living that was in the room with him. Three people to be exact. But he didn't know their voices. Haven't heard them before either. Without moving his head, he tried to catch a better look at the three now that his vision was clearing up well enough. One looked like he was the doctor with the white coat. There was a woman in a revealing black dress and a man he recognized as being there that night. Half of his face burnt. She spoke – reassured maybe that something was negative before standing up and leaving. They shared a look; Rick thinks they might be lovers or spouses.

The doctor cut off his line of sight, the way he did it and looked down at him while holding a chart in front of him told Rick enough that the doctor was aware of his regaining consciousness. As soon as they were gone.

“I'm Doctor Emmett Carson. I need you to answer a few questions for me. Can you do that?” The doctor asked, gently probing Rick's neck. Rick nodded. He had no about what's going on, or who this doctor was. Who was the woman and the man? What was going on? His questions must have shown because Doctor Carson stated, “Best wait for those questions until Negan gets here.” Rick stiffened. That answered some of his questions. At least to some extent. It left a more pressing question in his mind.

Why?

And just like that, they started.

“Can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?”

“Four.”

“What's your name?”

“Rick Grimes.”

“What's my name?”

“Doctor Emmett Carson.”

“Good. What's the last thing you remember?”

Rick turned his attention from the doctor to the ceiling. What was the last thing he remembered? Too much? All of it? The sound of a friend's skull being bashed in. Being put on the ground again, a foot to his throat. Forced to apologize and state what he was apologizing for. Waking up in a hospital disoriented and afraid. A prison turned home all but destroyed. On the go and clinging to the hope that they can live again. Be apart of the living world instead of walking among the dead. Would that answer his question? Would that be enough?

“Enough.” Too much.

Somehow the Doctor must have picked this up. Stating perhaps more coldly than he may have intended that it will get easier. Rick let out a bitter grin that seemed more snarl than anything given the injuries to his face. He's already used to losing people, they've lost too much as it is and that never gets easier. Rick didn't say this, and the doctor didn't push for anything more to be said. Rick watched the doctor cross to the other side of the room, and Rick saw him toss out a pregnancy test. Were they actively trying or seeking to avoid getting pregnant?

Something was being banged against the frame of the door leading into this room; it drew a startled move from the doctor and Rick to tense as he looked in that direction.

Negan.

In his hands the bat, only it looked clean. Almost like it never touched Abraham. Somehow that seemed wrong. It should be stained red. It shouldn't be put the way it used to be before it took the life of a friend. Rick didn't dare linger any longer on the bat, instead, let his gaze travel up to meet the man's eyes. Or try to, the moment eye contact was made Rick felt like he was stared down until he had no choice but to look away. Rick tried to ignore the satisfied look that crossed the man's face as he practically sauntered into the room and right into the doctor's personal space.

“Well?” Negan asked, no doubt wanting a report on injuries or what was used so they could replace it with whatever they find in Alexandria next week. What happened instead was the doctor explaining the results of the pregnancy test as well as physical health of the woman who was there previously. Did Negan care about his people enough to ask, or was she somehow related to him? Or...

“So all in all, my lovely wife is fine.” Negan answered Rick's unspoken inquiry. Telling him who she was, she was Negan's wife, and it made him curious about who she was to the man who was here earlier with her. Rick eyed them both trying to remain as still and as quiet as he could, he's not sure what's going to happen now. Why he was there, why he was given medical attention. Was this all a hoax, was he to be kept alive while his friends and family were all killed. Would Rick be left last to see what was done? His mind kept racing and kept going over worse and worse scenario's that had Rick wanting to vomit. How could he come up with horrible things like this, and would Negan go through with any of that? Rick must be sick or broken worse than he thought. Broken and disoriented by the world.

“How about our good friend Rick here, how is he doing?” Negan's voice sounded loud, and the hand that pats him on the chest sent sharp pain through his body. He flinched despite his best efforts not to make any sign that something Negan is doing caused him pain. There was a near playful oops said, and that hand was removed as the doctor jumped right into explaining Rick's injuries and it surprised him that not only was Negan listening intently but Rick didn't have worse injuries than he already has.

“He needs a lot of bed rest, with a number of injuries he has. It's a miracle he was able to function this much for this long.” The doctor explained, and Negan nodded slightly, taking what was said in stride it would seem. Not interrupting or showing any disinterest in what was being said. Rick wondered if that was a good thing or should he be even more concerned now. Once it became apparent that there was nothing more to say, Negan dismissed the doctor who all but fled the room without making it appear obvious. Rick wondered what his story was; he wasn't here on his terms.

Not that he would get the chance to ask as his attention turned to the man who stood next to his bed. The one who essentially put him here in the first place both personally and through an order and a choice.

Rick wanted to ask him what now. Why he was here in their clinic instead of back at Alexandria. Is everyone still alive? Did Negan kill anyone after Rick went down?

“Let's recap, and pay attention Rick because there very well might be a pop quiz at the end of this week.” Negan's voice sounded loud, and the man seemed oddly pleased with himself. Rick chose to say nothing, neglected to make eye contact but showed enough that he was listening. It seemed like it was enough for Negan as the man continued, “You learned by killing my men, there are consequences. Like beating your sorry ass into next week. Failure to keep control of your people opens the door to mistakes. Mistakes can cost lives taken. Like redheads. Threatening me earns you another ass kicking and maybe a touch of humiliation in front of your people. You following so far?” Rick watched as Negan leaned towards him slightly, ear directed his way. That last part wasn't a rhetorical question it would seem. But all Rick could make himself do was give a nod.

“Can't fucking hear you, Rick.” There was a warning there. Rick wanted to sigh, he was exhausted and in pain and wondering just what the man wanted from him now. He got half of what he wanted, he's beaten Rick down more than once, and he's killed one of Rick's friends.

“Y-yes.” Rick forced out. It hurt to talk. It must have shown when he winced. There was no sympathy from the Savior's leader, just a nod.

“Good. That means one thing. This week has been a wonderfully fucking productive week!” Negan proclaimed, and Rick nodded. Negan flashed a satisfied grin, and Rick wanted to glare, fight and spit out curses. But he did none of that. Instead, Rick struggled to stay conscious and tried to ignore the fact that Negan watched as everything went dark for Rick. Trapping Rick away from the world and not for the first time since he woke up in the hospital a lifetime ago, Rick wanted to wake up there again. Wake up to Lori and Carl, to have Shane come into the room with a smile on his face and life in his eyes. Rick wanted to be somewhere safer than here. With stores that function, a job to go back to. His old house with his old neighbors.

But he wasn't going to get any of that. Instead, there was just nothingness that held him for seconds and hours.

At least until light streamed into the room and forced him from his sleep. He wasn't in the infirmary anymore. It was a small room, and Rick was on a small cot. The window was dirty, but it allowed enough light to stream through. Beside him, there was an alarm clock that worked and a glass of water with two pills in a pill cup. There was a note that told him that those were painkillers. It was from the doctor as there was a signature on the bottom.

Rick forced himself into a sitting position and eyed the pain killers and water for a moment before taking them with the decision that they wouldn't bother to poison him after going through so much to put Rick back together after his beat downs. He hoped they kicked in soon because moving hurt, swallowing hurt and his whole body screamed in protest as Rick tried to get to his feet only to fall back onto the bed hissing as his back came into contact with the wall.

The door slammed open with Negan greeting him loudly.

“Bet you got questions.” It wasn't a question as Negan pulled a computer chair with him and sat down letting it roll a couple of inches. Rick having questions was the understatement of the century, to say the least. Rick's expression must have said as much, causing Negan to laugh while he set his bat down leaning against the wall next to the door.

“Let's get to it then!” Negan declared as he pushed the chair closer to the cot where Rick sat, leaning against the wall for support despite how sore his back was. Talking was going to hurt, he knew this already. But he needed answers just as badly as he needed to get home. See his kids, make sure they're okay. Carl was awfully worried from what Rick remembered.

So he had to pick his questions carefully. Make sure he got the point across with as little talking as he could.

“Where am I?” Rick's first question. He had guessed, could be the home base of Negan's operations or another outpost. Or another community that Negan owned. So he needed to know which one it was exactly. His question earned a grin and a seemingly understanding nod.

“You're at my home, the Sanctuary. How to get here, well that I won't tell you. But I will say this; you'll be here for a week. No point in wasting gas to take you home when there's a perfectly good bed under your ass for you to rest on.” Negan said, no doubt leaving no room for questions and making it clear that he won't accept Rick trying to get further location information. Rick can understand though. He would do the same if the roles were reversed. Why would he waste gas or risk giving away Alexandria's location?

Three words and his throat was already sending sharp pains of protest it's use. But he needs this. Needs to know.

“Why?” One word was enough, and he hoped it would be sufficient because he didn't want to use more words than necessary until his throat started to heal up. Negan would have a choice, be an asshole or cut straight to the chase in the matter and Rick had to wait to see which one it will be. It turned out it was the former with a chuckle. His face must have shown just how much he didn't want to be dealing with it.

“Fine, fine. Don't bust my balls over a joke. You're here because your weak ass passed out and your boy looked like he was going to either panic or break down in tears. Well, only half way with the whole missing an eye thing going on. So the creepy priest kindly asked us with the please and thank you's attached to look after little ol' you. And viola, here you are!” Negan explained with more words than necessary. Carl reacting like that, the situation must have looked bad. It only made Rick want to get back to Alexandria as soon as he was able to. Carl needed him, both his kids would need him there. And Carl would need to see that he was okay.

There was one more question he had to ask.

* * *

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what's the third question Rick's going to ask? And what do you think his week at the Sanctuary is going to be like?


	7. Chapter 7

Rick decided on getting into a position that didn't make him feel so vulnerable under Negan's taunting gaze, it gave him a moment to consider what he's going to ask next. What he should say and how he should say it. His throat, as Rick is well aware was far too sore to hold full conversations and even speak complete sentences. He didn't even know how he would manage to eat or drink. If he even got to do that here. They're taking care of him medically; it didn't mean they had to spare all that much water or food. It could be said that it wasn't in the agreement. If there was a legit agreement in the first place.

There was a tapping sound it took a moment to realize that Negan was doing it just to draw Rick's attention away from his thoughts and back to Negan. It worked well enough, making him settle on his question.

“How – how did you know it was us.” Rick asked, there was no question on what Rick was talking about, and he hated that saying what he said took longer than he intended and his throat practically screamed in protest. Rick did what he could do to ease that pain short of actually taking a hand and holding his throat to give it some useless support.

In the back of his mind, all Rick could think of was the unasked questions he didn't know if he would get a chance to ask. Like: would he be trapped within this small room more suited as a prison room than anything else and then there was the matter of what Negan's help is going to cost Alexandria and even more important, his own family. It was all troubling, and it did nothing but leave Rick on edge as he waited on Negan who was now leaning back and scrutinizing him carefully.

Rick hated that look already, it made him feel bare and exposed before the man. Further reminding him of just how far into trouble he was, how much they didn't know about this part of the destroyed world and how vulnerable he was now.

He was no longer the ringleader or the leader he used to be. All he was now, was a father who was trying to take care of his family in an impossible situation. Trying to avoid anyone else dying. He couldn't bear the thought if anyone else got killed because of him. And the thought of what could have happened if he had let his family come with him when Maggie needed a doctor flashed through his mind. Who would have been killed? Would his son be hurt or still alive come the next day? It was all horrible and made Rick want to shudder.

Negan leaned back in the computer chair and seemed more amused now than anything.

“I did not think you would own up to that, pay the price for punishment sure but not openly admit that it was you simply by asking how I knew that it was you and your merry gang of killers.” Negan sounded amused, but there was a cutting edge to it. A part of Negan was still angry over the death of his men. Most likely the audacity rather than the men themselves, given that there was so many it seemed to be more impersonal. Boss and employee sort of set up. Not like Rick's group.

“No point denying it.” This time Rick did bring his hand to his throat. Carrying on this conversation was painful.

There was a short laugh and an amused agreement from Negan.

“A little birdie told me, probably hoping to stay on my good side desperately. To protect his hide, I imagine, instead of his own community.” Negan spoke, Rick could hear the venom and loathing. This wasn't a man he respected in any way, most likely looked down on him even more than others. Making a comment about it being good that it was Simon who dealt with the cowardly man instead of Negan having to deal with the headache.

In truth, it was all Rick needed to know and curse. So it wasn't Paul after all. A part of Rick felt a bit better for it, happy that his judge of character wasn't far off still. He still had a decent amount of well-placed instinct on people.

“Don't be pulling any more shit now. You're already in a world of trouble as it is. That by the way, is just friendly advice.” Negan said, he must have seen something in Rick's expression. Rick fought it down and set it aside, just because Negan's telling him not to it didn't mean that the cowardly leader of the Hilltop Community was safe. It just implies that there might be some time before now and the day Rick gets to take him down. Just for this foolish choice.

But he will. By opening his mouth, he exposed Rick and his family. His community and left it defenseless against something they didn't fully understand until it was too late. It's something Rick can't forgive.

There was another question, one he figured he might as well ask while Negan seemed intent on hanging around. With an acknowledgment of Negan's friendly advise Rick moved on. Pushing back the feeling of exhaustion, he thought he would have more time than this. Negan must have spotted it but made no move to acknowledge it or cut the meeting down.

Instead, he leaned back in his chair and waited on Rick.

“Hold the fuck up before you ask any more questions, I can see that you're clearly exhausted and why the fuck wouldn't you be. Taking a beating again, going through the loss of a red headed friend. Shit, I get it, you clearly need some rest now. So rest. We'll carry on our conversation later. And if you haven't accepted or acknowledged it yet, you'll be here for a week. So we'll have plenty of time to get to know each other.” Negan's voice cut through anything Rick could have asked. To Rick, it seemed out of nowhere and random, even though it could be because the man had other things to do or someone was trying to get his attention. He was a leader of this community after all.

Rick didn't get the chance to protest because as soon as Negan said that he was standing and grabbing at Lucille. Dragging the computer chair behind him as he left with a mockery of sweet dreams thrown over his shoulder.

Rick was once again alone and heard the sound of a lock.

It reminded him that even though he got medical attention here, he was a prisoner. Rick tried to get up, to try to get the door open even though he heard it locked. But his body seemed to have taken Negan's suggestion as he started to feel heavy as that exhaustion dragged him down into a deep sleep.

It won't be until hours later that Rick was able to drag himself from his sleep and back to reality.

The reality that he was at the Saviors community. That Abraham was dead and that Rick was separated from his family. Isolated. And the biggest problem with the fact that he didn't know what this would cost them. If they already had to pay the price. Perhaps Rick should have asked Negan that, what would this cost him. Ask more what's instead of why's or who's. He wondered if Negan was being truthful about talking again. It would give him a chance to learn more and figure the answer to some of his questions.

There was light streaming from the cracks in the door, late enough that lights had to be turned on but early enough that Rick heard talking and laughing that to someone in Rick's position. Sounded out of place, after all, he wanted this place to be horrible. To be filled with nasty individuals. Not just regular people caught up in what the world now was. Criminals, villains or pirates like in Carl's old books from when he was a kid. Before the world fell apart.

Rick tried to tune out the laughter and distant conversations as he laid there trying to figure things out. At this point now he wished he asked for the cost their help was going to be instead of who gave away who they were and what they were going to do and did. Rick had to keep reminding himself that he'll be here for a week so he could still ask that question. Or at the end of the week find out the hard way.

Rick stayed in place as the light became increasingly artificial and the laughter and talking quietened down. Only moving when he had to use the washroom, which was a bucket and a stool kindly left in the room for Rick. Eventually, Rick fell back into a fitful sleep as it became apparent that it was night and that no one else would be knocking on his prison door.

In the following morning, or what Rick assumed was morning Rick was startled awake by the door being shoved open and a man Rick didn't remember seeing before. He was rather large, seemingly sheepish and went so far as apologizing for waking Rick. Rick out of reflex more than anything found himself assuring the man that he didn't as he pushed himself up. The man seemed pleased when Rick didn't take any offense.

The man handed Rick a plate with two pancakes, and some fruit cut up on the side. Small pieces and Rick knows it's intentional. Whether it was to mock him or if it was out of kindness Rick didn't know, didn't give himself time to think about it either as the man took the bucket and placed a clean one in its place. Rick wanted to turn the food down; his pride seemed to only shrivel up further at having to eat food that probably was taken from some other poor community. But given the fact that Rick couldn't remember the last time he ate and the sudden growl from his stomach made that choice impossible.

So despite the pain, Rick took small bites and tried to chew as careful as he could using the opposite side of his horribly bruised up face. Rick gave the man a polite thank you and watched as the man left locking the door on his way out. It was a cold reminder that Rick was a prisoner here.

Rick tried not to get offended or angry over it because in all honesty Rick would have done the same or he would have just put a bullet in the person's head and be done with it. It depended on the situation in the end.

The sound of the place coming to life outside that door slowly increased. Today there was the sound of someone struggling as they were thrown into another room. It was now that something new happened. Music. Rick listened to the song, catchy and cheerful. Easy Street or something like that, Rick heard it on the radio once back when the world was still civil, and the living out numbered the dead.

Listening to the song once was fine, it wasn't a horrible song. But when it apparently was put on repeat, Rick started to get annoyed. Wanted to pace or yell at someone to shut it off. Do something other than listen to the song. But there was nothing for him to do but sit there on the cot he was given and stare at a nearly empty plate. The fruit was hard to eat, and by the time he was done the pancakes, he was full, and his jaw protested every movement. He wondered if they'll be insulted by that or would the food be given to someone else?

That day he was fed two more times at what he figured to be lunch and supper. The food was softer, no doubt whoever prepared it learned that Rick couldn't handle anything that required a lot of chewing.

The next day things were different. There was still the sound of someone struggling as they were put in a room, someone being let out and that song playing over and over again. Breaking whoever it was in these cells down. Perhaps this place was as bad as Rick figured it would be because this right there was intended to break someone so they could be changed and turned into a soldier for Negan's cause.

Breakfast came, just pancakes this time. An hour after Rick finished, however, the music stopped and the sound of footsteps coming towards his cell. One of the people walking was whistling the same tune as the song and Rick recognized the sound of the individual well enough to know that it was Negan. A tray was being pushed. Or something else with wheels. He wasn't sure. Either way, Rick sat up straight containing a barely contained groan from the pain.

The door was unlocked and swung open to show that Rick was right. It was Negan, here with a wide grin and an insincere apology. With him, there were two people one with a wheelchair and Rick wanted to sink into the bed. Was he going to be paraded around now? Humiliated and shown as the defeated leader of a smaller community who thought it had enough strength to stand on its own two feet even after what happened.

Rick didn't know, but he didn't resist when Negan rolled it beside the bed and helped Rick into it. Stating clearly that he smelled and that his clothing stunk. Rick didn't fight when they put handcuffs on each wrist making sure he couldn't get out of the wheelchair.

“Precautions, you understand.” Negan stated, voice still amused. Rick did, but he doubted he'd be a threat to anyone given the fact that he couldn't go a few feet without having to sit down right at the moment. It was a blessing that the bucket wasn't too far from where the bed was. There were several doors on this stretch of the hallway and before Rick could say anything that song started to play again. There were several groans from inside a few of the rooms.

“Not going to blindfold you, because even if you see how shit runs here or the layout. It's not going to help you one bit.” Negan stated as they made several turns that brought him out into the open. Rick could see several people now, some cleaning. Some were doing laundry. Some prep-work on food. Rick wondered where they all slept.

“Community showers. There's a bar of soap and some shampoo. Use them.” Negan practically ordered as they rolled up to what looked like a locker room. Negan went on to explain that Fat Joey – the guy who's been delivering Rick's meals will provide Rick with a change of clothing while his are to be washed.

“How about a thank you Rick, after all the shit I'm doing for you.” Negan said, there was a firm grip on his shoulders. It wasn't a request. Rick wanted to get angry, tell him to keep his clothing, a bar of soap and everything else. But there was movement on either side reminding him that Negan wasn't alone.

“Thank you.” Rick said, when did he start sounding small?

* * *

 

Come say hi: [justsimplymeagain](http://justsimplymeagain.tumblr.com/) 

Or if you have a prompt or something, let me know. I've already written one - although I'm not 100% sure it fits what the anon wanted. But I like to try anyway. 


	8. Chapter 8

Rick tried to relax as much as he could as he was wheeled further into the changing room. It was a typical changing room; shower stalls lined one side, lockers the other and a couple of long benches in the middle. The people who used to work in this factory no doubt frequented this room before heading out. Now it was used by Saviors who weren't high enough to get their makeshift bathroom. If they got their bathrooms? Rick didn't know, didn't care to find out either. Instead, he focused on the room itself and noted that there were a couple of Saviors already occupying the room.

Rick could feel the hateful glare even without looking straight at them. He could understand, after all, Rick and his group attacked one of their outposts. Killed even more on the road when their paths crossed. So yes, he gets it. What he hates about it was simple. It was how it made this whole place feel more human because Alexandria would react the same way if they brought in someone who attacked their community.

But the difference was, Alexandria didn't rule over everyone else through fear and force. They didn't continually steal from other communities either. This place, these people were the opposite. They destroy lives to protect themselves. Rick understood the need to protect yourself, but there's a way to do that without burning the rest of the world down.

The dead outnumbered them as it was, they didn't need the odds stacked against them by communities and mindsets like these.

Or at least that's what Rick liked to tell himself, remind himself of the differences between them and us.

“What the fuck is he doin' here Fat Joey!” One of the men asked, stalking up to the man and glaring down at Rick. Lip curling in disgust and Rick kept himself as steady as he can without challenging the man, he was in no condition to defend himself, and there was the fact that this was enemy territory. It burned though, to keep his head straight and his gaze as forward as he could while tracking the movement of everyone in the room.

There was a twitch in the man – Joey. Joey seemed to be slightly wary of the confrontation, striking Rick as the type of guy who didn't want to deal with a confrontation outside of order, or perhaps when not being led by a leader who leads through fear and control.

“Negan's orders.” Two words, that was all that Joey could spare the man as he pushed Rick further into the room and Rick could see there were no exits besides the one they entered through. The stalls had shower curtains rather than doors. No way to lock himself in or people out. The man who originally confronted Joey seemed to have backed off. Or so Rick thought, the man appeared to have just stolen a moment to collect himself.

“This is bullshit you know! I don't see why the boss doesn't just kill all of them and just take what they got and be done with it.” The man said, pacing as he shot Rick another glare. Rick wondered if he knew anyone in the outpost or who was out on the road, or was he just that type of person who would happily use that as an excuse for violence? Rick tensed as the man crossed the space between them enough that there was half the distance left between them.

“Tell that to him.” Joey replied quickly enough, before picking the shower stall at the end. It was clean enough, and Rick had to wait until the handcuffs were removed before he stood up. He was offered assistance in taking off his clothing to shower, for the most part, the offer was sincere. Despite this, Rick turned him down and just asked where he could put the dirty clothing. Ones he doubted he would see again. Joey simply took them from him as he stripped them off. There was a cold shiver going down his spine, the old sensation of being watched.

And he was, the two people in the room now paid close attention to Rick.

Then one of them laughed. Rick now recognizes him as someone who was there that night.

“Well shit, we did a number on you didn't we?” The same man who laughed and spoke up with his disagreement in Rick's presence. There was a clear expression on his face that told Rick that this man was pleased with himself and Rick felt an urge to both confront and to cover himself.

“That's enough.” Joey said as he practically herded Rick into the stall as gently as he could. No doubt thinking if he could get Rick out of sight than that could help calm the situation down. Rick himself went easily enough, using the wall to stand as he turned on the shower. Glad to be out of sight. He didn't feel safe; there would be none of that in this place. The shower was cold and only warmed up to lukewarm at best. Not that Rick was complaining, instead he washed as good as he could given the circumstances.

All the while, trying to keep his attention on what was going on outside of this shower stall. There were hushed talking and a warning of don't talk like that coming from Joey. The entire situation only served to make Rick feel cold, and his instinct urged him to grab something to use as a weapon. To protect himself. Only there was nothing available to protect himself with. He was defenseless.

Footsteps were coming closer to the curtain. Rick tensed as he backed further away, used the wall to support himself and brought his hands up to have some way to at least protect himself. More footsteps, Joey now telling someone to back off. Telling them that Negan doesn't want any further harm to come to the leader of Alexandria on his watch. It didn't seem to work as the man seemed to chuckle and point out that he never had someone who was a leader before, making degrading jokes and Rick felt his heart pick up.

He was well aware of what they were joking about, what they were talking about and Rick could almost shiver with how cold he felt. It made the water feel like it was steaming hot.

“The only one who decides who gets what is Negan.” Joey had reminded them before there was the sound of scuffling like Joey pushed someone away. Putting distance between him and one of the two men who were in the change room. There was more hushed talking, threats more than likely. Rick wished that he had something on him that he could protect himself with, or at least clothing or something that could provide some barrier between himself and them if the talk and jokes were any indications. Or at least Rick had some way to figure out how to handle this situation, prepare for it beyond what he's doing now.

There was a loud thud, someone was knocked down, and the fight was on. Only Rick wasn't there to witness it, see what's going on and figure out what he could do. The fight soon turned to struggling filled with no's and warnings of Negan's not going to like this.

“He'll understand, especially after what that piece of filth did. He deserves to die! What I'm about to do is merciful in comparison. Hell! He should thank me and ask for another.” One of the men said, and Rick felt sick to his stomach, there was no question what was going to happen. What the man planned on doing to Rick. Rick tightened his fists, pushed his back against the furthest part of the stall ignoring how cold metal pressed into his lower back.

The curtain was shoved aside leaving nothing but air between himself and the man who by the sounds of it is going to tempt fate, especially if Joey's warnings were any indication of how things were run here. Or in the worst case, Negan could enter during this whole thing and wait until it was done before collecting Rick. Rick didn't know Negan enough to get a good feel for the guy, especially regarding this.

“Come now, no need for fists. It's not going to help you.” The man taunted, and Rick felt his lips curl, and his fists tighten. With a click of his teeth, he knows now; he's not as defenseless as he believed. He just has to get his mouth close enough to the man to use them. And pray there's something vital there.

Bracing himself, Rick shifted his feet enough that they could help plant him in his spot.

And it worked, at first. The man couldn't pull him out. Unfortunately, he wasn't close enough for Rick to bite without his attempt to be stopped. So Rick pulled back against the man so he couldn't get Rick to budge, easier said than done given Rick's injuries. And soon enough, a light blow to his stomach was enough to cause him to crash to the ground on his knees and eye level with the man's bare crotch. Rick let out an angry sound and put some space between them as best that he could given the small space available on this memory.

The man laughed, and due to Rick being on his knees he wasn't able to get a good grip on anything as he was dragged by his hair and neck. Out of the stall and found himself flat on his back and still bare to their gaze. Anger coursed through him, he was weakened from the bit of struggling he already did, and there wasn't much left. So run was his only other option. Something that was hard to do when you could barely move now. But, somehow Rick managed to get onto his belly and almost make it half way back to the stall.

His reasoning, in their he could find a corner and make it hard for this man to get what he wants or it would be more private, so Rick could hide his shame and perhaps wash the evidence away as best that he could. There was laughter again, and his feet were grabbed yanking Rick back. He let out another angry sound and promising, “I'll kill you for this. I swear that I will.” They laughed of course, but it didn't matter because for Rick that was set in stone and he always fulfills his promises one way or another.

Rick put up a fuss as best that he could as he was pulled from the ground and forced face down on the bench. Rick tried to use this as an advantage, tried to squirm his way away from the man behind him. The second man, the one Rick almost forgot about came and pressed Rick's upper back against the bench. From here he could see that Joey was handcuffed to another bench so that he couldn't do anything.

The grip on his hips was just one more thing he would have to wash away. Growling Rick tried to struggle, kick his feet and try to push the arm holding him down away. For Rick, there was no question what was pressed against him now, hard, hot and enough to make Rick feel sick. He struggled and cursed and growled out his warnings.

It wasn't heeded of course.

And just as the grip on his hips tightened and the man behind him started to push there was a voice that Rick never thought he'd be happy to hear.

“What the fuck is going on here!”

It was Negan! Rick looked up as best that he could and realized it was almost like time stopped. Nobody moved, said anything or even breath it seemed like. The pressure pressing against him had disappeared before his hips were released. The man holding him down on the bench moved away, and Rick could breathe again. Pushing himself of off Rick. Rick was able to move from where he was practically laid out to the spot next to the bench where he sat in a vain attempt to preserve what was left of his modesty. The cold realization of what came close to happening kept him in place.

There was the sensation of relief as well, relief that he wasn't raped in this changing room and within enemy territory. Rick wanted to go home, see his kids. See his friends. He just wanted to go home.

All the while, Rick hoped that his relief wasn't misplaced. There was the sound of heavy footsteps coming closer and only now did Rick realize that Negan stopped next to him. The bat held tight, and Rick was faced with how sharp those barbs were.

“Dave! Brian! One of you two shits better start talking, or you both will find out just how much Lucille and I fucking hate the shit that you just tried to pull. And I mean really fucking hate.” Negan sounded furious, and Rick risked a look upward. Noting how angry Negan was, it was enough to inform him that Negan's reaction to this wasn't false or an attempt at manipulation of some sort. The anger was genuine.

Brian tried first, to make up excuses and deny his role in the matter, all Negan did was tell him to step closer and repeat himself. The man did but there was, even more, fear in his voice, the words came out uneven and blurred at times. Rick looked up, saw that the anger didn't leave Negan's face. In fact, it was now joined by a sadistic kind of glee. It was the only warning anyone received for what happened next.

No one had time to brace for it or flee from it. One minute the bat was eye level with Rick the next it was coming down on who he assumed was Brian's head caving it in and forcing the man's body to crumble to the ground unceremoniously. The other one – Dave, practically fled backward until his back was against the wall. No doubt realizing that there was no exit, just like Rick did when he first entered this changing room.

The bat was set down, resting on the bench next to where Rick sat. If Rick was in better conditions, he could easily take the bat up and bring it down on Negan's head. But the problem would be getting out. To his right sat the man who was against what Brian and Dave wanted to do, crumbled to the ground and handcuffed so he couldn't stop them. He stunk of fear and Rick couldn't blame him.

Rick turned his attention back to Negan who approached Dave, mockery in every step as he coaxed what Dave planned to do out of him and then forced him to repeat a rule that was in place.

“I'm s-sorry sir.” Dave's voice trembled, it was clear that he was begging for his life through that apology.

It took less than a minute for a knife to be pulled out of its sheath and put through Dave's neck.

“You know what, I do not accept your apology.” Negan's voice held the same sadistic glee that Rick saw on his face, but his body language now only spoke of anger. That anger didn't remain restrained for long. The bat was picked up and used until there was nothing left of either Dave or Brian's head. All the while the man was going on about how that was against the rules and how he wouldn't want to be anywhere where it wasn't.

All the while, Rick sat there watching.

 

* * *

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Rick... At least Negan got there in time if that's any consolation.


	9. Chapter 9

Once Negan was finished, everything inside this room and outside seems unnaturally quiet and still. It was only when Negan turned his attention back to Rick did he remember to breathe. With a flick, the bat was brought back to Negan's side comfortably hanging by his side. It didn't matter; Rick couldn't stop the flinch at the bat's movement. What happened to Abraham was still fresh in his mind, and despite being clean, Rick could still feel the blood that was splattered his way after his friend was beaten to death.

It was now with Negan's attention on him that Rick realized he had no clothing on and sitting bare naked next to the bench that he came close to being raped on. Joey seemed like he was trying to make himself smaller.

“S-sorry Sir.” Joey said, and Rick watched him as he flinches as Negan walked up to him, bat still in hand and dripping blood along the way. There was an amused sound of acknowledgment, but that was it. Rick hoped that Negan didn't beat him to death either, he didn't think he could watch another situation like that. Not right now. Not ever all the while a bitter voice reminded Rick that wasn't innocent in any way and neither was the man handcuffed.

Without a word, Negan went through Joey's pockets until he found the key and released him.

“Get out.” Negan said, but there was a look that said that this wasn't finished. Rick shifted slightly and wondered what to do. Not that Rick got the chance to think about it for too long since Negan's attention was turned back towards Rick. Even without looking Rick would feel those eyes on him, one thing he's found out since meeting Negan was that the man was intense and you would have to be both blind and deaf not to realize when he focuses on you. The man's entire presence was loud even when he was still. It was probably what helped him get so much attention and in the end so many followers.

Negan's expression turned to thoughtful as he stared Rick down, no doubt taking details in. Rick found himself glaring as best that he could with one eye open and the other swollen mostly shut still. If anything, Negan looked more amused than offended at the fact that Rick was glaring at him.

“First! Let me offer my apologies, friend. For the shit my former men tried to do, shit like that is a one-way ticket to a dance with Lucille.” Negan said grabbing folded clothing that Rick figured either belonged to the two who were killed or were brought for Rick to wear after his shower. When they were offered, Rick slowly accepted them with a bewildered thank you.

“You're very welcome Rick!” Negan responded, only he didn't leave or turn away as most would when someone is getting changed or going to get changed. At least give some discretion. However, there was none to be found. Rick eyed him cautiously before he was bluntly reminded that he has nothing that Negan hasn't seen before. But regardless, Rick watched as the man turned his attention to the bodies. Idle comments of having someone come in and clean this mess up. Rick took a moment to get to his feet as quickly as he could in order to put the clothing on. Pants went on first, a little loose and slightly too long for his legs. But clean and that was all Rick could ask. He noticed that they were sweatpants and the shirt was just a standard white t-shirt. No underwear or socks provided.

Not that Rick was going to complain, he was more than likely on thin ice as it was.

Now that he was fully dressed and for the most part, steady on his feet Rick found himself wondering what he should do or what was going to happen next. It looked like Negan wasn't going to offer him any clue on what happens now, or what Rick is supposed to do.

“What now?” Rick tried to keep his voice steady, calm but even he couldn't stop the uncertainty in his voice.

“Wh-?” Negan started before pausing long enough to leave Rick wondering why and shifting uncomfortably. Any discomfort dissolved into annoyance when the man burst out laughing. What was so funny? After what Rick was put through in this room, what nearly happened and what he had to watch again.

“Fucking hell! I didn't realize you were so fucking tiny!” Negan's voice was loud, and Rick could feel his face heating up. Granted he was aware that he wasn't exactly the biggest guy around, sometimes that left him with a target on his back growing up until he met Shane. But he didn't think he was as tiny as Negan made it sound. Rick just frowned, deciding not to let himself be goaded into anything. Just let Negan have his fun.

Eventually, the laughing died down, and Negan pushed the wheelchair close to Rick with a hand gesture to sit down. Rick did and waited for a moment.

“Not going to handcuff you, I trust that you won't try to limp your way to freedom. Just be good and follow the fucking rules, they're there for a reason.” Negan said as he grabbed his bat and proceeded to push Rick in a new direction. Rick ended up looking around, trying to figure out where he was being taken and tried to make sure he'll remember where he was being taken and the layout.

Eventually, Rick had to ask, “Where are you taking me?”

“Needed your room for other shit, shit being a shithead who broke the fucking rules. So it's lock down for that fucker. Rules are there for a reason, can't have people running around half-cocked and flaring egos making stupid fucking decisions. Nothing to worry about, just stay where I tell you and things will be just fine.” Negan explained something that surprised Rick. The tone used told Rick that the man wasn't happy about whatever happened and this was more than likely to set an example. Make sure others caught on to the consequences, the fact that this unknown person wasn't killed was interesting. Given what Rick's experience with Negan previously, he would have thought that it would have been a one-way ticket to being killed.

“Okay, but where am I going?” Rick tried again, keeping his voice light enough that he didn't provoke Negan in any way.

“Where I can keep a fucking eye on you personally.” Negan said, and they turned down another hallway leading to a set of stairs. Negan stopped and walked around to the front and smirked, giving Rick two options. Limp up the stairs or have Negan carry him. Rick wanted to glare but opted for answering him. He'll walk.

“Good because as tiny as you are, you seem quite solid.” Negan's voice was mocking. All Rick could think was one thing.

Asshole.

It showed because the man laughed commenting that it was too bad they met under horrible circumstances because Negan would find Rick to be an amusing person to have around.

“Feisty little shit that you are.” Was all Negan said at the end of this one-sided conversation consisting of mostly mockery. Rick could only hope that this was the end of the conversation, because he didn't know if he could put up with it much longer without saying something he'll regret. Or be made to regret. Either way, best to let the conversation die down. Instead, Rick focused ongoing up those stares and ignore how his body ached and how he had to stop half way up.

Looking up he noticed two shadows appearing from the top of the stairs. It was enough for Rick to look up. He didn't recognize the man beyond reports from Daryl and others. The other was a rather beautiful woman in a rather scandalous black dress. Something he didn't expect to see anyone wearing or someone like her in a place like this. What was her deal?

Their presence seemed to be enough to cause Negan to pause who was coming up behind Rick. The two on top reminded Rick as two deer caught in a headlight, they probably didn't expect to see Negan or meant to be seen. Rick turned his attention from them to Negan and back again. There was a soft sound of acknowledgment behind him. This was something Negan would no doubt confront one of the two about later, and Rick couldn't even begin to understand why. But there was history between the three of them.

“Dwighty-boy! Rick left his wheelchair downstairs. Why don't you be a good boy and fetch it for us.” It wasn't a question, the man-Dwight nodded and nearly sprinted down the stairs only slowing when he passed Negan. There was a hard nudge behind him that told Rick enough to get moving. Grimacing at the pain, he did just that. The woman moved out of their way when they reached the top. Rick watched as Negan entered her personal space, a serious look on his face. Rick recognized a silent conversation when he saw one.

One part of him wanted to keep watch, intervene if he had to. The other part wanted to turn away; he didn't know how much more he could physically take today. Being beaten more than once, by more than one person at one point to nearly being raped by one to two men in the change room if it wasn't for Negan intervening. Needlessly said, he was exhausted.

It didn't take long for Dwight to show back up and unfold the wheelchair. Rick was silently told to sit down, this time by Dwight. Rick frowned but did just that. Part of his attention on Negan.

“Dwight, take Rick to the third room from the end of my hallway.” It was clear that this was an order and almost instantly Rick felt himself being pushed forward. The way there was awkward, and on the way, he saw another woman dressed almost similar. Black dress and this time long blond hair that from the back almost reminded Rick of Beth. Rick's heart ached at the memory of her loss, shot in the head and close enough that Rick could feel the splatter of her blood as well even after all these years. That and hearing Maggie's reaction as Daryl carried her body outside.

Rick looked down, not able to bear that memory and needing a moment to get himself under control.

“You could ask Negan about it, but she's one of Negan's wives. So was- is Sherry. The woman who was with me.” Dwight's voice startled Rick enough to pull his attention from his lap to the man behind him. There was a firm look that told Rick that this was all he was saying and not to dare and ask questions. Rick figured he probably said more than he intended to and the anger in his eyes told Rick enough anyway.

When they got there, the door was unlocked, and Dwight wheeled him in. Left him soon after. It gave Rick time to get himself together and take the room in. It was larger than the room before. A single bed, microwave, and desk. There was a small fridge as well. All in all, it almost reminded Rick of a mixture of a small apartment and a hotel room. They must have found some of this at a hotel. A voice whispered in his head that some of this was probably stolen from another community. Rick got out of the wheelchair and looked around as best that he could.

There were books too; he wondered if every room had books. The fridge had water in it; it was enough to tell Rick that Negan probably had someone stalk this room of some supplies. The toothbrush and toothpaste only confirmed that. He knows that when he gets to go home, he probably can't take anything with him. If anything, Negan would probably take things to replace what he used from Alexandria.

It was enough that had him deciding to use as little as possible. Food, medical supplies, hygienic supplies. None of it would be used if he could help it. He can't risk costing Alexandria and his family more than he already has.

“You like?” Negan's voice was loud.

“It's not what I expected.” Rick stated before explaining himself further, “In a factory I mean.” Negan was already waving him off and made himself at home in a chair indicating that Rick was to sit down as well. Rick did, sitting on the edge of the bed and waiting to see what this was going to be about.

“Here's the thing, you're not one of us despite living like a king for a week. So, your rule is simple. You don't leave this fucking room for anything. Not a damn thing, no matter what you hear or what anyone else tells you. The only person who tells you what to do is myself, and if I can't get my ass here to tell you shit, then I'll be sending Simon. Besides the two of us, nobody else has any fucking reason to be here and if they are you open that pretty mouth of yours and tell me first thing.

You'll be fed two times a day. Books there for you to read, a sink for you to take care of basic shit. I have people posted everywhere so don't even get any fucking ideas, not one. You're here for a week; best make it as easy on yourself. Trust me, and alternatives isn't something you want. I trust that shit isn't hard for you to understand?” Negan left no room for debate, and Rick knows that he had to play it careful for several reasons, mostly because he was behind enemy lines and with no backup. And his physical state wasn't helping his situation all that much either.

“No. No, I get it. Don't leave this room. Don't cause trouble.” Rick stated, and a broad smile was the first thing that told him that he said the right things.

“See! I knew we were going to get along!” Negan's voice was loud but filled with satisfaction. Negan was getting what he wanted at this moment, and as for Rick, all he wanted to do was go home. See his family and friends again. That was all he wanted.

 

* * *

 

 

Come say hi: [justsimplymeagain](http://justsimplymeagain.tumblr.com/) 

Or if you have a prompt or something, let me know. I'll give it my best.


	10. Chapter 10

Only four days have passed, and Rick came to the conclusion that this was going to be harder on him than he would have thought. His body in pain, his family out of his reach and his world brought down to nothing more than a single room that was a glorified prison cell. He wasn't allowed to leave the room and was brought a meal three times a day. And nobody, absolutely nobody spoke to him beyond single worded answers. Nobody could or would answer him on how his family was doing, and even if they could, Rick doubted that they would because they were in another community and nobody here had any reason to care or go out of their way to check for Rick.

Especially with what he had done, what he gave the order to do and led the charge in doing. Most people here probably wanted his head, and the only reason nobody came in here to try to hurt him or kill him was probably Negan.

They feared Negan.

That much he gathered. Nobody here would want to cross him in any way.

And speaking of Negan, Rick barely saw him beyond check in's. Rick thought he would be glad, happy not to have to deal with the man who beat him so easily and who enslaved Rick's community all the while humiliating him in front of everyone by having him pull himself to his feet and show the other man around Alexandria. And yet, sitting here he found himself wanting the man's company.

He would be the only one who could keep Rick company.

It's only been four days.

Rick couldn't believe that already he was starved of company. It angered him, but if he thought about it for a moment. It made sense. In Alexandria Rick always had someone around, someone was still within his reach. Even before Alexandria, Rick had his people, and they all kept as close as they could stand. Always within reach.

So Rick did his best to swallow his anger.

He didn't read any of the books, none of them kept his interest. Instead, he paced when his body could stand it, or he just listened to the busy activities outside his prison cell. The sound of birds, misplaced in a place like this. The noise of people, rare laughter, and quiet talking. The sound of walkers pinned to the fence creating an odd but functional defense. Rick didn't know entirely how the noise didn't draw the attention of other walkers, a question he doubted he would ask. It wasn't like he would get answers anyway. Not here, and not from any Savior who brought food.

He got a shower every so often, Dwight or Joey would come in with a wheelchair and take him to someone's living quarters, and he would shower there.

Today was one of those days, and it was Joey who picked him up and took him down a hall and into a rather fancy looking room with a rather large bed. He knew the routine and noted that Joey always seemed uncomfortable in this room. He always tried to hurry Rick up, Dwight looked as though he wanted to burn the bed when it was him who brought Rick here.

Rick decided after he finished his shower to ask who's room this belonged to. Fourth time visiting it, this was the first time he bothered asking. Rick wanted to know who's soap he was using and shampoo. Rick eased himself out of the bathtub he moved to grab the towel that seemed always to be set out when he heard a familiar voice. Not Joey.

But Negan's.

Rick froze. Rick didn't want to jump to conclusions but given the situation and the appearance of the room. It made sense that this was Negan's room. Negan's shower. Negan's soap and shampoo. Negan's towel. Rick hesitated in using it, he knew it was clean but the idea that he could very well be sharing a towel with Negan. There was no window to escape out of, no way to avoid facing the man.

Grimacing, Rick quickly dried himself off now that he was uncomfortable in using the towel and left in a state of not knowing what to think or feel in regards to using Negan's supplies to clean himself. At this point, the sooner he exits the bathroom, the sooner he could face this situation. Get it over and done with.

When he exited the bathroom, Negan was sitting on one of the couches. Two plates on the coffee table and Negan pointing to the spot across from him.

“Sit.”

It was an order and an invitation. Or perhaps it was an invitation dressed up as an order, whichever it was, Rick decided to listen. Moved as quickly as his beaten body would allow him to. Rick didn't touch the food even as Negan immediately dug in. Only stopping after a few bites to eye Rick curiously.

“Eat Rick, fuck knows you probably need it.” Negan's voice was friendly enough to give Rick the impression that he was genuine. At least for the moment.

Rick hesitated for a moment before doing just that, only now realizing that he was hungrier than he thought.

“Been told you were barely eating what you were brought. Fucking lucky that shit doesn't go to waste, someone else ate the leftovers. Can't be wasting that shit these days. But Rick, it hurts my feelings that you don't like our cooking.” Negan said as he went back to eating. Only stopping long enough to finish what he was talking about between mouthfuls. Rick wasn't sure what to think about that, was this because Rick wasn't eating.

“Doc said you need to keep your strength up if you want to heal. Can't fucking do that if you starve yourself.” Negan's voice still carried the air of conversation to it, but there was the obvious search for information present.

“I'm not. Not starving myself. Just not hungry.” Rick answered it wasn't the truth. Rick didn't want to accept food he knows was taken out of other people's mouths. And Rick felt guilty eating when he knows that his community isn't doing as great in the food department. Every bite he took he wished he could give it to Judith or Carl instead.

“Not hunger. What the fuck is that?” Negan's voice was decorated with amusement and disbelief before continuing, “Everyone's hungry Rick, everybody wants something. Not always hungry for food, but everyone's fucking starved.” It made sense, but that was a more in-depth conversation that he didn't want to have. Least of all with Negan. He'd rather Michonne, or Morgan or Daryl. Anyone but Negan.

“Fine, fine. I just wasn't in the mood to eat.” Rick answered it was as close to the truth as he wanted to get.

“Not in the mood to eat, do you even hear yourself. Nobody's in the right mood to eat, yet everyone does cause that's fucking how you keep up your energy. Keep up your strength to keep on living. Not in the mood to eat. Are you fucking kidding me?” Negan's voice sounded both annoyed and taunting.

“It happens.” Rick tried.

“You want to know what I think, why you aren't eating much?” Negan said, as though he didn't hear Rick's short answer. And Rick knows that this might be a tricky conversation, that he would have to be careful if he wanted to navigate it without setting Negan off.

“Okay.” Play along Rick, that was what he reminded himself.

“Origins. Where we get the food from. Would you eat it easier if you knew we grew it ourselves? We didn't, but the question is still fucking relevant.” Negan offered, and Rick hated how much it made sense. How much it resembled the truth, so much in sow Rick found himself speechless.

Rick couldn't give him an answer, and he knows that his silence was the answer. Negan nodded, muttering to himself before pushing his now empty plate away and Rick took another uneasy mouthful. Chewed and swallowed while waiting on what Negan was going to do now.

“Fair enough.” That was all Negan offered. Got up long enough to get himself a drink and Rick some water. No apology was offered, no guilt. No shame in anything it seemed, at least not for Negan. Rick, on the other hand, kept thinking about his kids, his community. How eventually his slowly starving community would be feeding this one. It was unbelievably wrong, and it angered Rick in ways that left him floundering and wondering what he could do. If the day came that he would be cutting bits of himself to feed the hungry within those walls.

Rick didn't know that he was being watched closely as his face mirrored his thoughts as he pushed a half-eaten plate away.

“So fucking righteous.” Negan mocked, and Rick bites the inside of his mouth. An attempt to keep himself from saying or doing something he would be made to regret. Thankfully it didn't escalate and the conversation, if you could call it that moved away from food to Rick's stay and bits of information Negan's heard about how Alexandria was doing. It surprised him that Negan just offered up that information.

“Can't tell you what's going on with your fam. But that's all that I know.” Negan said Rick doubted that it was all he knew. But left it at that. Negan did bring up the fact that there were members of Rick's group at the Hilltop. Rick's mind instantly went to Maggie and Glenn. Their baby. He hoped they were okay. His mind immediately went to them, to his family. If he could grow wings, he would go to them now.

The plate was pushed back in front of him.

“Eat.” It was an order. There was a knock on the door, and Negan got up to answer it, check to see what's going on. Rick was left alone with Lucille, and he found himself staring at it. He wondered how many people it broke and how many tears were shed because of a wooden bat with barbwire. Eventually, Negan returned and his time spent in this room – Negan's room was cut short as Negan took Rick back to his prison cell and left after saying four words,

“We're not monster's Rick.”

Rick wanted to laugh, ask him what he defined as monsters. But no words came as he found himself sitting at the edge of his bed angry and wanting to scream and yell and make Negan see how backwards he was. Above all else, Rick just wanted to go home.

The rest of the day was spent in silence. Rick ate all the food the next Savior brought him. He didn't know what that said about him, but at the moment he didn't care too much as he forced the food down and focused on keeping it there as he laid back on his bed and simply let himself fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Come say hi: [justsimplymeagain](http://justsimplymeagain.tumblr.com/) 

Or if you have a prompt or something, let me know. I'll give it my best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this chapter being shorter than the previous chapters.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think. What you hope to see.


End file.
